Acceptance of Denial

Ah, those random shower thoughts. This is one of them. If only I had a pen and a book to note down every exquisite, deranged or even those creative thoughts that come in there. Even the arguments that are won at the cost of time. 

One such thought occurred to me this morning. Acceptance of Denial. Ahh, it sounds so good in my head, but I do not know how it would look in paper.

Pardon me, if my vocabulary is not eloquent enough like the most writers out there. I’ve written poetry, but framing a blog as a story, that takes work. For the past few weeks, I’ve spent time reading books and a lot of substack articles. I must say, these people are, wooooh — talented. (Yes, they are that good)

Not drifting further away from the topic, let’s begin. You see, in the world, there are 2 categories of people. One who gets everything they ever wanted and the others, no matter how much they try, they don’t get what they want. Ah, the broken desires of not getting it.

Well, most times, we yearn for things we cannot have. That dream job, that one person, or even that one vacation you’ve been meaning to take, even convincing your parents to keep a pet. Sometimes, it does work out. What if, it doesn’t? You see something and you genuinely want it. You get a big “NO”. Now, you feel bad. You take time to accept it. Accepting this Denial is far more difficult for the mind as it for accepting your fate on a bad day. 

You feel dejected. You start to get desperate. You pursue more for things that have already been rejected. You want it at any cost, but deep inside you know, you can’t get it. 

Why do we pursue so hard when we know it’s not going to be ours?

Tricky question. Sometimes our mind chooses things that cannot be ours. Even when we know the odds are against our favor. So, when we hear the inevitable – “NO!”, our mind blanks. It seeks to fill that void or pain with something ephemeral. Now we are in a loop. A loop that’s hard to get out of.

Loop begins with, 

• This is the one for me
• I need to distract myself
• I deserve better than this
• Why am I like this?
• I don’t deserve anything better

And then back to step 1. A vicious cycle. This will continue until we accept the Denial.

Weird isn’t it — how our mind knows that it won’t be so and yet we catch ourselves in this cycle? Time and time again.

The person who said NO to your proposal, the HR who said NO to your resume, the parent who said NO to your goals, the friends who said NO to your plans and much more. Most times it’s not the sadness or pain of Denial, rather the ego that fails to accept that we should’ve got it and we didn’t. 

So, we start to hate ourselves, hate the other person or the situation. Seldom, do we give ourselves the time to understand that the NO was a blessing in disguise. We forget that there are better opportunities out there, better outcomes from a single Denial.

But it asks for patience. It asks for us to wait and hope for the best. 

Remember, Red. Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.

Andy | Shawshank Redemption

Maybe, that is it. Accepting it is the first step to peace. Make peace with the denial. Don’t lose hope for what is lost. Rather, find hope in what is to come. Someone once said,

the grass may be greener on the other side, but you stick to watering your own lawn.

So, let go, accept the rejection and hope for better things to come. Find peace, My love. (You need to start loving yourself a little more. Not in a narcissistic way)

Put your efforts elsewhere. Forget the rejection and move on. There are better things on the other side of the horizon